Charlie’s life would have been so delightfully mundane if that Dorito-shaped craft hadn’t made a swan dive in front of him. Or if he could have ignored the desperate cries for help—that had been inserted into his mind. And if the victims inside hadn’t been so small. So helpless. And so . . . green.

Now hunted by secret military operatives, harassed by the news-reporting paparazzi, and hounded by fanatical members of the Alien Abduction Society, he has become the focal point in a media circus and a government cover-up. Not bad for his first month in town.

Hmm, no. On second thought—very bad.

Aided by his foul-mouthed partner, a tree-hugging biology teacher, his elderly psychic landlady, and a plastic surgery-addicted reporter, Charlie will struggle to reclaim his quiet life, and to prove to the world what he is not.  He is not: crazy; the leader of a UFO cult; the carrier of an alien plague; handicapped by Tourette’s syndrome; and responsible for a little boy’s tragic death. He is, however, the only one who can negotiate with psychic aliens bent on colonizing Earth. But Charlie better not call them little green men—that sexist, racist and size-ist epithet might piss them off and ruin his chance of success.